


The Thin Line Between Hell and Heaven

by DragonsPhoenix



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jossverse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-23
Updated: 2011-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsPhoenix/pseuds/DragonsPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a thin line between love and hate...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy starting with "Hush".

“You want to what?” There was no way the boy could be serious. 

“I mean it Spike,” Xander said, rope in hand. “I'll never sleep if you're looming over me, ready to bite.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “If I could bite you, would I really be wasting my time here?” 

“There's the door. Leave. Actually now would be perfect.” 

“You know I can't,” Spike replied. “Not with soldier boys dragging down any demons they get their hands on.” 

Xander pointed at an orange nightmare of a lounger. “Then down you go.” 

“At least pull it out so I can lay flat, well flatish.” 

Xander pulled a lever, raising the footrest. 

Spike sprawled onto the uncomfortable monstrosity. 

“Arms and legs against, um, the arms and legs of the chair,” Xander said. 

With a sigh, Spike scrunched up a mite so he could be tied down. As Xander bound his arm to the chair, Spike complained. “You don't have to make it so tight.” 

“And I'm thinking that would be the point, making it tight so you can't move.” 

Knowing a lost cause when he saw one, Spike amused himself, spouting sexual innuendos, most of which Xander ignored. As Xander finished off the ropes, Spike added, “Like I'd bite you anyway.” 

“Oh, you would.” Xander, crawling across the bed, did look surprisingly tasty. 

“Not bloody likely.” 

“I happen to be very biteable, pal,” Xander added as he pulled up the covers. “I'm moist and delicious.” 

“All right, yeah. Fine. You're a nummy treat.” As Xander dozed off, Spike worked out plans for revenge – not that any seemed plausible, him having a chip and all – but no miserable excuse of a human messed with the Big Bad and got away with it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "Doomed"

As the key scratched against the lock, Spike's gaze darted around the room, past the water pooling on the floor, past the musty furniture, looking for a place to hide. The basement held a surprising amount of junk but nothing that would keep him hidden for long, even from a casual glance. 

“Oh no,” he heard. “Spike, the place looks worse than when I left. You didn't even fix the drip.” 

Yeah, that was the human he'd come to know, focused on the minutia. “Don't turn around,” Spike said, he voice chilling even to his own ears. Maybe the boy wouldn't, maybe if he sounded like the Big Bad the boy would leave, staying away until night had fallen, giving him time to get out and nick some new clothes. Of course not, Spike thought as Xander turned toward him. 

The git had the nerve to laugh. Hating to admit he'd shrunken his own clothes, Spike turned his head away. The Big Bad should be able to do anything, not that it really met his image to do laundry, and where had his point been going? Maybe he'd feel better if, no after, the human brought him some new clothes and some fresh blood. 

Xander didn't cooperate. “I hate to break it to you, oh impotent one, but you're not the big bad anymore.” Damned git didn't even bother to capitalize it. “You're not even the kind of naughty. You're nothing but a waste of space, my space, and as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum, and as much as I could give you a little bum kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something.” Xander stepped in closer. “You're not even worth it.” 

Xander's words reminded him of Dru, how she hadn't thought he was worth killing. What a waste of a Childe he must have been. “I'm outta here,” Xander added, turning and heading up the stairs. Spike stared at him, watching him leave, just like Dru had left him. A boy, a mere child who delivered sodding pizzas for a living, he thought Spike was beneath him? Oh, life really wasn't worth living.

* * *

Spike had screwed the stake – one useful thing about living with a Slayer's minion, at least if you wanted to off yourself that is, plenty of stakes – to the coffee table, pointy end up. Standing above it, he held his arms out, stretched to either side. “Goodbye Dru. See you in hell.” 

Just as he'd started to fall forward, the door from the garage flew open. “What are you doing?”  
Twisting in mid-air, Spike fell through the table, missing the stake completely. “Bloody rot, can't a person knock?” 

Again Willow asked what he'd been doing, and Xander added, “You were trying to stake yourself.” 

One point to the boy: quicker to figure it out than Red. “Fag off. It's no concern of yours.” 

“Is to,” Xander said. “For one thing, that's my shirt your about to dust.” Oh yeah, care more about your ugly shirt than the vampire, go right ahead. “And for another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me to do it for you.” That stopped Spike cold. Dru, his Sire, wouldn't kill him, but this sorry excuse of a human was offering? 

“What?” Xander was asking Willow. “He wants to die; I wanna help.” 

While Xander gathered weapons, Willow, in trying to cheer Spike up, merely emphasized how pathetic he really was. Spike tried to convince the kids to leave him behind, certain he could find another way to off himself before they got back, but Willow dragged him out of the room. They boy did give him a bit of cheering up though. “If we don't find what we're looking for, we're facing an apocalypse.” 

The museum had been a waste, no Word of Valios, whatever that was, to be found, although it had been interesting to see how quickly Xander could pick a lock. Spike hadn't realized the boy had any skills, much less something useful. But as they left the cold, impersonal building looming behind them, the two kids were making it clear Spike wasn't a threat to even a kitten, much less to an incompetent pair of humans. And the killer part? They didn't even know they were doing it. If they'd been attacking him on purpose, that would have been one thing, but this incidental abuse, well that just wasn't going to stand. He couldn't hit them, but that didn't mean he couldn't take them down. “I should think you'd be glad to greet the end of days. I mean neither of you is making much of a go at it. You,” he said, nodding toward Xander. “Kids your age are going to university; you've made it as far as the basement.” Spike, ignoring the voice that pointed out he was mooching off of the guy in the basement, changed his target. “And Red here, you couldn't even keep dog-boy happy.” Turning back to Xander, he added, “Just like you with that demon-girl.” Waving a hand at Xander's clothes, even if they were noticeably better than what he had on, Spike added, “No wonder you don't have a bird to call your own.” 

Turning away from the pain in Xander's eyes, not sure why it bothered him, Spike smirked to cover up his uncertainty. “You can take the losers out of high-school but...” 

Willow babbled something behind him, but he didn't bother to listen. He did, however, let them drag him to Giles'. Apparently Willow was still worried he'd off himself. When they got there, Giles was on the floor, his face full of scratches. He'd been beaten by three demons and Spike had missed it. Story of his life. 

But wait a minute: blood. Leaning in toward Giles, Spike took a good long sniff of fresh, human blood. “You wouldn't mind if I licked that up, would you?” Xander pulled him up and off of Giles. “What? It'd help with the clean-up. Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of carpet and clothes and, um, stuff?” 

“Sit over there. Try not to get in the way.” The boy had dismissive down to a science. 

Picking the most comfortable seat in the room, a brown leather recliner, Spike lounged back in the chair, not paying much attention, even when the Slayer came in, until they dragged him up, telling him they were going to the old high-school. “That pile of rubbish? Why?” 

Buffy gave him a look. “Weren't you listening at all?” 

Spike laughed. “To you lot? No.” 

“We're going to stop the apocalypse,” Willow said, trying to appease everyone. 

“Yeah, the one that's going to end your miserable existence.” 

“Xander.” That bit was from Willow. Apparently too much truth bothered her as much as it hurt him. 

The high-school was as demolished on the inside as it had looked on the outside, no surprise there. When Buffy asked if they were ready, Xander replied, “Let's rock and roll.” Spike sniped his words back at him, hoping to throw him off his game a bit. Xander's words that evening had been arrows aimed straight for Spike's heart. He was hoping to give the boy something else to chew over. 

There were demon guts everywhere and then, once they'd gotten to the library, three guys chanting around a large hole. While Buffy and the others leaped into the fray, Spike moved off to one side, staying clear of the rubble. He couldn't even fight anymore. Life really wasn't worth living. Well, Willow couldn't watch him forever; she had school and such not. 

He was watching Buffy get tossed around, which was always fun, when Willow threw him a bag of bones. One of the demons set its sights on him. “Right. Perfect.” The demon grabbed him, punching him in the gut and then again in the face. Spike got a firmer grip on the bag. No demon was going to get one up on him. As the demon grabbed his arm, Spike couldn't help himself: with a shout he hit back. Grabbing his head, waiting for the pain, he realized his head didn't hurt. What? “No pain.” The demon got up. He punched it again. “I can hurt a demon.” He took out all his frustrations on it, losing track of the bones. 

When he'd had enough fighting, at least for the moment, Spike threw the demon down the hole. Willow and Xander were shouting at him, he wasn't sure what about. “What? I was helping.” And then the ceiling fell in, knocking him to the ground. Great, he finally got a chance to get back in the game and a bloody building took him out. But then Xander, loser boy of all people, dragged him up and out of the mess.

* * *

Spike, making a quick detour after leaving the Scoobies behind, nicked some new clothes on the way home. He could have gone out hunting on his own, but he figured he owed Xander for pulling him out of the wreckage and all. The boy and Willow were watching the telly. Honestly, Spike just didn't get humans sometimes. 

“What's this?” Spike asked, positioning himself between them and the screen. “Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you.” Turning off the telly, he added, over their protests, “I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass.” He tried to encourage them, bringing in saving the world, Christmas, puppies, and what a joy it was to punch the living daylights out of, well OK, he might have gone off on a tangent with that last bit.  
After about five minutes, Willow got up to leave, telling Xander that Spike was his problem. At Xander's shouted “Hey,” she added that she had a test the next day – an obvious lie since she'd been ready to waste the night watching mindless sitcoms. Without Willow to back him up, Xander gave into Spike fairly quickly. 

Xander glanced around the cemetery with a nervous look. “You know I'm only doing this to stop your pathetic ramblings, right?” 

“What? Scared now that your precious Buffy isn't here to save you? I can protect you just as well as she can, better maybe.” 

“Which you'd do why?” Xander asked. “Oh God, and why am I here again? You don't have to kill me; you could just stand around and watch some demon eat me. Is that why were here? To turn me into demon chow?” 

Ignoring Xander's comments, Spike, busy scanning the cemetery for a demon to kill, absentmindedly asked, “Don't you love me anymore, Xander?” 

“Huh? Love? Oh no, there is no love lost between us,” Xander stammered. “And how did we veer off from the 'not letting Xander get eaten' part of this little talk?” 

Spike turned, tilted his head, and stared at Xander, a slow smile spreading across his lips. 

“What?” Xander looked around. 

“Tell you what,” Spike said, grabbing his crotch. “You let me eat you, and I'll keep you safe from the other demons.” 

“You want to what?” Xander shrieked. 

“Come on,” Spike said, stepping closer. “All those hard muscles, that sexual tension. You don't want all that to go to waste, do you?” 

Xander stumbled back, his eyes wide, and fell to the ground right on top of a grave. “Yes, yes, waste is good. And I mean no, no eating, no touching.” 

Spike turned away with a sigh, which turned to a smirk once the boy couldn't see his face. More than one way to wind the lad up, although that bit about the muscles hadn't been that far off. No, he didn't care how good the lad looked. He had standards: he wasn't about to shag a human.

* * *

“Stop staring at me,” Xander said from the bed. 

“I'm not.” Spike, tied to the chair again, had been staring at Xander, wondering why the boy had saved him back there in the high-school. Granted, it wasn't like being buried alive would kill him, but he could have been hurt, badly. They weren't allies, not really, or, OK, they were allies but only temporarily. As soon as he got the damned chip out, all bets were off. So why had Xander saved him? He must be up to something. Spike just needed a way to figure out what. 

The next morning, after Xander had released him, Spike's stretch, as he worked the kinks out of his muscles, raised his shirt up above his jeans. Glancing over, he saw Xander's eyes peeled to the patch of skin that showed itself between shirt and jeans. Not believing it, Spike stretched up a bit more, shifting his hips seductively. Xander leaped up and made himself very busy in the kitchen. 

A slow smile spread across his face as Spike worked out how he could use this to his advantage. The boy thought he was straight, Spike knew he did. All Spike had to do was make him see that he wasn't. Upheaval all around, especially when the chickies found out, and he'd make sure that they did, and then Xander would be too busy to mess with him. Spike would be safe from whatever the lad was up to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "A New Man"

About a week later, Spike was still letting Xander tie him to the chair. It was getting old but he wasn't about to leave, not with the soldier boys running around, and besides it gave him a chance to plant ideas in Xander's head. “If your gonna tie me to anything, it should be a bed.” 

“I'm not tying you to a bed,” Xander replied, tightening the ropes. 

“Why not? You know you want to. It's not like you haven't dated demons before,” Spike added. 

“One.” Xander held out a hand, one finger raised to emphasize his point. “One demon. Well,” he added, going back to the ropes, “one who I knew was a demon at the time.” 

“Really? Do tell.” When Xander didn't reply, Spike added, “Tell you what. I'll even let you have your wicked way with me if you share your dirty little secrets.” 

“And I'm thinking, 'no'.” 

“I'd hate for the girls to find out. It'd be terribly disappointing for them, learning you've dated demons.” 

Picking up his backpack, Xander pulled out a stake. Holding it to Spike's heart, he asked, “You want to say that again?” 

Spike looked up, catching Xander's gaze. “If you're gonna stake me, I'd much rather you used...” He shifted his gaze to Xander's crotch finishing with, “your other stake.” 

Xander threw the stake across the room. As Xander tossed himself onto the bed, gazing up at the ceiling, Spike added, “So, we're back to, um where were we again? Oh yeah, blackmail.” 

Not moving, Xander said, “The girls know, Spike.” 

“You're saying that the Slayer and your little witchy friend know all about these demons you've shagged?” Spike didn't believe it. 

“Didn't say I shagged them. Considering they saved me from them, well all except Anya, yes, they know.” 

That was a bust. Spike decided to give it up for the night. 

The next morning, Spike woke to the sound of pans bouncing off of something. Opening his eyes, he saw a Fyarl demon, wrapped in a blanket, shouting, “Xander, don't you understand? It's me. I'm Giles.” 

After the demon had fled, after a panicked phone call that hadn't gotten through to the chickies, as Xander was untying the ropes, Spike asked, “Why'd you kick Giles out?” 

“What?” 

“Giles there,” Spike added, nodding toward the door. “Thought you'd have helped him.” 

“That was a demon. Deeeeemon,” Xander said. 

“Looked like a demon, sure, but it was obviously Giles.” 

Xander shook his head. “Why do I even talk to you? And you couldn't have helped?” 

Raising two fingers, Spike said, “Tied up, wasn't I?” 

Looking confused and almost wary, Xander asked, “You really can't get out of those ropes?” 

Spike sighed dramatically. “If I could, do you really think I'd be sitting here all night? Bloody boring it is.”

* * *

“So it had pointy things, what kind of pointy things?” Buffy asked. Xander had spent the entire day trying to find her and Willow, which meant they hadn't made it to Giles' flat until that evening. 

“The pointy kind.” Spike wondered how bright Xander actually was. 

“It was a Fyarl demon,” Spike repeated, loudly, from the back of the group. 

“Why aren't we believing Spike?” Willow asked. 

“Because he also said the demon was Giles,” Xander replied. 

“Oh,” Willow said in a small voice although Spike wasn't sure if it was in response to Xander's comment or because the door to Giles' flat was off its hinges. 

As the Scoobies wandered around the rooms, looking for Giles, Spike made himself comfortable on the couch, cataloging the damage – broken banister, phone smashed to bits, fist sized hole next to a mirror, shirt torn in half on the floor – while he waited for the kids to catch up. 

“He's not upstairs.” 

“Because he's a demon,” Spike called out, giving it another try. 

“Then why is the house so trashed? Buffy asked. “Giles wouldn't do this to his own place,” she added, tracing the edges of a hole in the wall. 

Spike shrugged. “Fyarl demons aren't all that coordinated, are they, not for the finer things at least. He was probably just clumsy.” 

“Oh yeah,” Willow snorted. “Giles, clumsy.” 

“Come on,” Buffy said. “Let's hit the books.” Spike sat back for a couple of minutes but watching the kids doing research got old fast. Figuring things would go faster if he found a picture of the demon himself, Spike picked up a tome. He was going through Masterson's “On Demons” when one of the soldier boys showed up. 

While Buffy told soldier boy that Giles was missing, and Willow chirped in with “But he's not a demon or anything”, Spike slipped into the bathroom, feeling slightly safer until Buffy explained. “Spike's been claiming that Giles is a demon.” 

“Who's Spike?” 

Spike could hear the springs in Xander's chair, meaning he'd gotten to his feet. “Spike? He's nobody. Um, nobody important and anyway, he left.” 

“No he didn't,” Buffy said. 

“Yes, yes he did,” Xander said. “About ten minutes ago, while you were busy with research.” 

“Oh, yeah, he did.” Spike listened as Willow caught on. “He did leave.” 

“Whatever,” Buffy said. “We don't have time for this. Whatever this demon is, it took Giles. We need to find it.” 

“We will,” Spike heard solider boy say. “I'll help.” 

Once he realized soldier boy wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, Spike slipped out the window. No need to sit around waiting to get caught. He thought about heading out, looking for a fight or a fuck, but he couldn't stop thinking about Xander. The lad had stepped in to save him again. Spike headed back to the basement, and was sitting there, with the telly off, when Xander came home. 

“Spike,” Xander said, sounding ashamed. “I owe you an apology.” 

Spike blinked in surprise. When did a human care enough to apologize to a demon? “What for?” he asked, trying to sound like he didn't care. 

Xander joined him on the couch. “You were right. Giles was a demon, and I didn't believe you.” 

“Oh, all fixed up now then?” He wasn't sure why he cared, but he did seem to. 

“Um, yeah, Giles has been magicked back to human,” Xander said. 

“Gonna trust me next time?” 

“Well, you are evil, so I guess I'm gonna have to think on that a bit.” 

Spike felt conflicted. The you're evil bit was nice, but he didn't like Xander not trusting him. Of course he knew the boy was up to something so he didn't trust him either. Guess it worked out. 

“So, um, sorry,” Xander added. 

Spike sat up and looked at Xander. “You don't trust me, but you're apologizing for it?” 

When Xander shrugged, Spike leaned over until his face was inches from Xander's. “If you really want to apologize,” he said. 

Xander gulped. “Yeah,” he said warily. 

“Stop tying me up at night.” 

“What? No.” 

“You know I can't hurt you. Only reason to tie me up is if you enjoy it.” Spike leaned in closer, so close their lips were almost touching. “Do you enjoy it Xander?” 

Xander leaped up from the couch, standing with both hands in a stop position. “OK. Fine. Whatever.” 

“And you'll let me sleep in the bed,” Spike added, wondering how much he could get. 

“But that's where I sleep.” 

“I know,” Spike leered. 

“No.” Xander's word sounded final. “It's late, and I have to work in the morning. Go to bed. The couch,” he added, his voice a shriek. “Got sleep on the couch.” 

Figuring he'd teased the lad enough, Spike laid himself out on the couch, listening from across the room. Xander didn't fall asleep for a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "Goodbye Iowa"

“I love you. I've always loved you. Will you marry me?”

As the ending credits rolled, Spike threw a pillow at the tv. “Oh, come on. You're ending it there? Bloody Passions. I don't know why I even bother to watch.” His words trailed off as what seemed to be an army of Scoobies thumped down the stairs, sounding like a whole herd of elephants. “Hey,” he shouted. 

“Sorry Spike,” Xander, trailing behind Buffy and Willow, called out. “Issues with the Initiative.” 

“The Initiative? What, you mean those soldier boy blokes?” 

“They tried to kill Buffy,” Willow said. 

Spike took a long look at Buffy. “Didn't succeed, what a pity. Still don't see why you're invading my peace and quiet.” 

“We're sleeping here,” Buffy told him. “Get over it. Actually, leave.” 

“Hey, no,” Xander said. When Buffy glared, he added, “I'm not kicking him out so the soldier boys,” he paused and glared at Spike, “so the Initiative, um, guys, can get their hands on him.” 

“It would be sort of unfair,” Willow offered. “We are all here for the same reason.” 

“Wait a minute,” Spike said. “The Slayer is hiding?” 

“Unlike you,” Giles replied. 

Spike stood, jutting forward in a don't make me hit you pose but before he could speak, Xander stepped in. “Could everybody calm down?” 

“It is sort of close quarters in here,” Willow agreed. “We should probably try to get along.” 

“Get along?” Spike snorted. “With you lot?” 

“Spike,” Xander said. 

“What?” Spike stood there as Xander gave him a long look. “You invite the whole crew over, and I don't even get to take pot shots?” 

“Spike,” Xander warned. 

Spike flopped down onto the couch. “Fine. Spoil my fun.” 

As Giles made himself as comfortable as he could on the lounger, Willow looked over at Spike on the couch but then sat on one of the kitchen chairs. Buffy sat at the other end of the couch, as far from Spike as she could, and then Xander flopped down between them. They sat there in silence for a couple of long, stretched-out minutes. 

“So, what do we do now?” Willow asked. 

After a minute, Xander added, “What's on tv?” 

“Don't bother,” Spike said. “After Passions, the only thing on is Judge Judy.” He shuddered. 

Xander looked at Spike like he was insane. “She can't be that bad.” 

“Oh can't she? She's short, caustic, and scary. I swear that woman has some Sh'vlex demon in her.” 

The rest of the day was so painful that Spike didn't care: the soldier boys could drag him back into that cage but it'd still be better than staying in the basement on more minute. Xander tried to get him to stay, although the others didn't seem to care whether he left or not. “I'm going,” he told Xander. “Just make sure nobody takes my chair.” 

“Um, Spike?” Xander replied. “Technically, the chair belongs to me, and Giles has been sitting in it for the past four hours.” 

“To sleep in, ya daft git.” 

Xander nodded and Spike took off, the sounds of an argument - “What do you mean you're not tying him up?” - starting behind him. When he got back, even though Giles was sleeping on what looked and sounded like a bunch of beach balls, the chair was empty, waiting for him, with a blanket folded on the cushion. 

Of course he didn't get to sleep long. The sun had only been up a couple of hours when Xander ran upstairs to grab food and the girls turned on the telly, the roadrunner from the sound of it. Spike, remembering his promise to Xander, was wondering if this didn't count as extenuating circumstances when Giles got up and turned it off. Unfortunately Xander ran down a minute later, yelling for them to turn it back on, something about a Polgara demon skewering people. 

Buffy didn't even stop for breakfast, grabbing a bagel and heading out the door. Willow went out as well, leaving Spike along with Xander and Giles. “I suppose I could pick up some of my books,” Giles offered. 

“Not a good idea,” Xander said. “The Initiative can find you there.” 

“But Buffy and Willow,” Giles started. 

“Buffy and Willow didn't go home.” 

“You hope,” Spike said. “Don't know where Red went, do we?” 

“She said,” Xander replied, “that she had a way to help and that she wouldn't go near her dorm.” 

“So she's on campus, right next to all those solider boys,” Spike said. 

“You don't know that,” Giles replied. 

“Oh, please. If she mentioned her dorm room, it's because she's going to campus. Unless she's being really sneaky and heading home instead.” 

“You know what? Enough of this.” Xander turned on the tv. 

“Right,” Giles snarked. “Because cartoons about a short man in a hunter's hat will make it all go away.” 

“All I need is for it to shut the two of you up.” 

“You know, I do have books that might tell us something about the Polgara demon, in my flat of course,” Giles said. 

“Fine. Go,” Xander said. “But if you get caught, who am I kidding? Of course we'll come rescue you, but expect a very stern talking to.” 

“I'll keep that in mind.” 

Giles returned, with two boxes of books, before Buffy came back with one of the soldier boys. Spike retreated to the laundry room, although he needn't have bothered. Soldier boy, whom everyone was calling Riley, like that was a real name, looked like death warmed over, and Buffy tucked him in behind the curtain right away. Spike was so busy listening to Riley, making sure he stayed asleep, that he almost missed her plan to take Xander into soldier boy central. 

“I'm going with.” Spike touched a hand to his lips, not believing that had just come out of his mouth. 

“What?” Two voices rang out with the same word. Buffy looked pissed; Xander, confused but pleased. 

Not bothering to explain, Buffy said no as if that ended it. 

“Yes,” Spike replied, addressing Xander. “You aren't going in alone. It's too dangerous.” 

“I won't be alone. I'll be with Buffy.” Spike didn't bother to reply. “Besides they'll know you're a vampire.” 

“I look human enough,” Spike countered. 

“Those guys who spotted you the other night, the ones who called you hostile 17, are you trying to tell me they didn't recognize you?” 

Spike thought a minute. “Pretend you're bringing me in.” 

“No,” Buffy said. “You'll draw attention to us. It'll be more dangerous.” 

Spike could see the logic of that, as much as he didn't want to. “Don't let him get hurt,” he said, nodding toward Xander. 

Buffy gave him a funny look but merely said, “He'll be fine.” 

After they left, Spike paced the room. “You could help me research the Polgara,” Giles offered. Spike picked up a book, but tossed it down again after about five minutes. “It would be easier for me to concentrate if you could keep still,” Giles added. 

“Can't,” Spike said, lighting a cigarette. 

Willow came back about an hour later, accepting without a blink that Buffy had taken Xander into the Initiative. She was more upset about some spell she'd tried that hadn't worked. Spike was ready to light into her when he heard Riley stirring. Slipping into the garage, he closed the door. Listening in, he heard Riley complaining that Buffy didn't belong in the Initiative, which was true enough, and then Willow's cry and the thud of a body hitting the ground. By the time Spike made it to Willow's side, Riley was up the stairs and gone. She was OK and all – not that he cared of course – but she was Xander's friend and in Xander's absence in was up to him to keep his friends safe. 

“Told you not to trust soldier boy.” 

“No, actually, you didn't,” Giles replied. 

Spike just glared and waited for Xander, hoping he was all right.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "This Year's Girl"

Xander took two steps back from darkness to darkness. “And I could have gone a great long while without seeing that.” 

“I could have gone my whole life without seeing that.” Willow stepped back to join him. 

The demon was spread-eagled, bound between tree limbs, tightly enough that it wouldn't have been able to move but not so tightly that the ropes themselves would have caused pain. The demon had been cut, while alive, its skin spread open to expose the organs. “He wasn't tortured.”

Buffy looked at Spike like he was nuts. “What?” 

Spike took a puff of his cigarette. “Whatever did this made no attempt to keep him alive. Wasn't out to kill him specifically. Whatever this was about, it wasn't torture.” 

Willow stepped up, joining Spike and Buffy, aiming her flashlight at the demon carcass. “He's right. It looks more like a dissection.” 

Xander stayed where he was. “You mean like we did in class, with the pigs and stuff?” 

“Yeah, but with demons it's gross; the pigs were sort of interesting,” Willow replied. 

Buffy aimed her you're nuts look at Willow. “Interesting?” 

“Forget it Buff. It's all science to Willow,” Xander said. 

“You guys didn't like dissecting the pigs?” Willow asked, sounding uncertain. 

“Um guys,” Xander called out. 

Spike, not liking the tone of his voice, was next to him in a second. “What is it?” 

Xander aimed his flashlight into the trees. “There's more of them.” 

They were still going over it when they got back to Xander's basement, the girls apparently having decided they weren't ready to go home yet. Spike had wanted to glare at them earlier in the day, when they'd come over with Giles, but it was Xander's place and he had invited them. It was just that it hadn't been that long since they'd been crashing there, spending the whole sodding night, and he'd just gotten used to having the place quiet-like, just him and Xander. 

“At least a half-dozen demons, splayed out science experiments, but why?” Willow was asking. 

“Adam,” Buffy said. “He's studying biology.” 

Spike stepped out of the kitchen, a cup of blood in one hand and toast in the other, which wasn't as good as Wheatabix, but he took what he could get at Xander's. From halfway up the stairs, there was a shout of “Stand back” and soldier boy, the one Buffy kept bringing home, was rushing him. Spike took a step back, careful not to spill any of the blood. 

“Riley,” Buffy shouted, putting herself between him and Spike. “What are you doing?” A moment later she was in his arms, hugging him. “You're alive.” 

“Of course I'm alive,” Riley said, “and, um, that's Hostile 17?” 

“Spike,” Xander said. “His name is Spike.” 

“And he's not evil now,” Willow added. 

“Am to,” Spike called out. 

“What Willow means to say,” Xander said, putting himself between Riley and Spike, “is that he helps now. Still evil but working with us.” 

“Yeah, that's better,” Spike added. 

“But,” Riley said. 

Buffy hugged him harder. “You're safe.” 

Riley hugged her back but didn't take his eyes off Spike. 

Xander waved Spike toward the garage. 

“I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure Riley here isn't going to tell soldier boys where I am.” 

“OK, so why don't we all go to Giles' and work out our plan?” Xander asked. 

“What plan would that be? Who gets to betray the vamp?” 

“I think he meant sharing info on Adam,” Willow said. 

“Riley,” Buffy asked, “could you just take my word on this? At least for the moment? He really has been helping.” With a glare at Spike, she added, “As hard as that is to believe.” 

“I'm more useful than soldier boy,” Spike added, sipping at his blood. 

“Don't push it,” Buffy said. 

Riley looked at Spike warily. “You sure about him?” he asked Buffy. 

“Sureish,” Buffy said, not reassuring Riley. 

“He's OK,” Xander said, slapping Riley on the shoulder. 

Riley didn't look convinced, but he did leave with the Scoobies. Spike stayed behind, still not certain Riley wouldn't betray him the first chance he had, but that wasn't what bothered him the most. Nobody seemed to notice, much less care, that he'd been left behind.

* * *

Xander came back all worried about a second Slayer, Faith by name, who apparently had just come out of a coma. The boy couldn't stop going on about it, that he was going to be her first priority, which seemed unlikely although the more he rambled on the more worried Spike got. The next night all the Scoobies agreed to go patrolling, to hunt around for this Slayer. Spike, not seeing what Xander'd be able to do if he did find her, volunteered to go along, even if he did wish the lad would shut up. 

“The point being, I could be the target here.” They'd been out for almost an hour, looking for this Slayer, and Xander was still babbling on. “Faith finds Mr. Xander Harris still in town odds are she goes tighter than catgut. Got a lot of pent-up feelings there. I'm only saying.” 

Spike pulled Xander into the alleyway, into the darker shadows where the white painted brick near the entrance had given away to larger tan stone. Slamming Xander against the wall, gentle-like since he didn't want to set off the chip but rough enough that he had Xander's attention, Spike snarled, “How about you stop saying it?” 

“Huh?” 

“Getting a bit sick of it, to tell the truth.” 

Xander pushed against Spike, who stepped back, letting him go. “Fine,” Xander replied. “But when they find my decaying corpse, you'll be... well, you won't be sorry since you're evil, but you'll be, um, something.” 

Spike brushed the hair from Xander's eyes. “I would be sorry, pet. Not that I'll have to because nobody's going to be killing you.” 

“You'd be sorry?” Xander asked his eyes wide. 

Damn, hadn't meant to say that. Spike turned and strode out of the alley, calling back, “Of course. Means I'd have to find a new roomie, wouldn't it?” 

“Oh.” Xander didn't sound happy. 

Damn foot; damn mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "New Moon Rising”

Heading back to Xander's, taking a back way so the soldier boys wouldn't spot him, Spike was stopped short when a huge Frankenstein looking monster stepped out of an alley. “Spike.” 

Git knew his name. That didn't bode well. Spike followed him into the alley, figuring he could always kill it if he had to. Frankenstein turned out to be Adam, the big bad everyone had been going on about. Spike played along, listening to his plan, which sounded like it'd work as long as Adam managed to take out the Slayer, good luck with that, but Spike wasn't thrilled with the world Adam was planning. It sounded as dull as ditchwater to tell the truth. What it didn't sound like was something Xander could survive. Still, Adam had some way of getting rid of the chip. It wasn't like Spike was about to turn that down. 

After Adam finally stopped blathering on, Spike made his way to the Scooby meeting, figuring that's where Xander would be. He was about to push open Giles' door when he realized they were working on a way to break into the labs. It sounded like a plan that'd get Xander killed or captured in a heartbeat. Good thing Spike had his own way in, courtesy of Adam but the crew didn't need to know that. Hearing a break in the conversation, the pushed the door open, calling out, “Or you could just use the back way. Hell of a lot less bother.” 

“How'd you get in?” Giles asked, as if Spike hadn't been helping for weeks. 

“The door was unlocked. You might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in.” Spike wandered to the back of the room, picking up a blaster left on the coffee table. When Giles asked Spike if he was short of cash, implying that Spike was no better than a paid human minion, Spike aimed the blaster at him. It fell to the floor as he clutched at his his head. “Oh come on. I can't even aim a gun?” 

“Get out Spike,” Buffy said. 

Spike fell back against the wall. “I was just messing around. Wasn't gonna shoot.” 

“Which is why your chip went off.” 

“You want into the Initiative or not?” Spike asked. 

“Which you're providing out of the evilness of your heart?” Giles asked. 

“Not only am I expecting cash, and lots of it, but leading you lot in also has the added advantage of jacking up those army gits.” It took a bit of persuading, but they agreed to follow him in. 

As they approached the entrance, all dressed up like soldiers and scientists, Buffy said, “I've mentioned how much I'm going to kill you if this is a scam, right?” 

“Hey,” Xander said. “He's been helping. He's been helping for a while. Why would he start playing us false now?” 

“Do you want me to count the ways?” Buffy asked. 

“Would I wear this,” Spike asked, pointing out the army outfit, “if I wasn't on the up and up?” 

“You do sort of look like an evil olive.” And thank you, Willow. 

Spike pulled on the door, feeling the locks give. Adam was keeping up his end of the deal. As the power went out and the emergency lights kicked in, Spike started wishing he'd grabbed Xander and gotten him out of town. He hadn't been able to resist the lure of getting dechipped though. He just hoped his boy didn't pay for it. 

Following Adam's directions, Spike led the Scoobies to the big boss, the head army guy, who took them to Riley and then to Oz. That part went easier than he'd expected, but then Oz turned, exposing a bit of fur before he was human again. Great, something else to keep an eye on.  
* * *

“What are you up to Spike?” Xander was on him as soon as they got home, asking questions that Spike didn't want to answer. 

“What? Nothing.” Spike sounded as affronted as he could. 

Xander gave him a look. “You've been living here how many months now? You think I can't tell when you're working a situation?” 

“Working? I don't work. That's your gig, you... human you.” 

“You used to be better at the insults,” Xander told him. “So, what're you hiding?” 

To give the boy a distraction, Spike opened the fridge, scanning the shelves for blood. “I don't know what you mean.” 

“How'd you get us into the Initiative?” 

Spike bit into a blood bag, tearing it open, and started pouring it into a mug. “Kept my ears open. Not my fault they don't keep their doors locked.” 

“Spike,” Xander warned. 

“You couldn't have known something was off,” Spike said triumphantly, not realizing that was as good as admitting his guilt. “Wouldn't have followed me in.” 

Xander gave him a half-smile. “I'd follow you in again. I just want to know what's up.” 

“What?” Spike dropped the mug onto the counter, spilling blood. “You don't follow the evil undead anywhere, you got that?” 

Xander looked hurt. “Not stupid here. I'm not following any evil undead; I followed you in.” 

“And I'm as evil as the next bloke, more so maybe,” Spike shouted. “Ought to have your head examined,” he muttered. 

“Good job with the distraction,” Xander said. “Now tell me what's going on.” 

Shit. “It was that Adam git. He's got this plan to bring about, well the best way I can describe it is an apocalypse.” 

“A trap? You led us into a trap?” 

“Told you not to follow the evil undead,” Spike said, feeling like he'd just been slapped. 

Hanging his head, Xander fell down into a chair. “What kind of an apocalypse?” Xander asked, not looking up. 

Leaning back against the kitchen counter, Spike crossed his arms over his chest. “He's got this plan to merge humans and demons, to make more Frankenstein creatures like himself, splicing parts together. Hell on earth.” 

“You know I remember Angelus trying to bring about that very thing.” Xander still wouldn't look at him. 

“I'm not 'Gelus.” Spike's voice sounded cold even to his own ears. “And if you're little Scoobie pals talked at all, you'd know I helped stop it.” 

“What? You're the only demon on earth who doesn't want the end of the world?” 

“Plenty of demons like the earth just the way it is.” Spike said. 

Xander looked up at him. “Why didn't you say anything sooner then?” 

Couldn't tell him about the chip but didn't have to. “Knew how you'd react, didn't I?” 

Xander was staring at him so intently that Spike couldn't move. “You think you can stop him on your own?” 

Spike hadn't thought about it. “Well, no. Probably not.” 

Xander stood, laying on hand on Spike's shoulder. “You do understand that we have to tell Buffy, right?” 

Not knowing how he'd suddenly ended up on the saving the world team, Spike grumbled. “Knew I should have kept my big mouth shut.” 

“Why did you tell me?” 

Spike turned his head away. He didn't want to admit it. “You asked, didn't you?” 

“I, um, is that some kind of a chip thing?” As Spike was about to snarl a response, Xander continued. “No, it can't be. I mean, you can lie up a storm so why force you to always answer questions if you can lie? It doesn't make sense, not unless the scientists were really stupid. Where the scientists stupid, Spike?” 

“Wish they were,” Spike muttered. 

“I'm calling Buffy and Giles,” Xander said. 

Spike rolled his eyes. This was going to go well. He just hoped they'd leave him Xander. 

Xander dragged him back to Giles' flat. Buffy, who'd beaten them there, was sitting on the couch with Riley, forcing Spike to sit across from Xander, who'd grabbed a fizzy drink from the fridge, not seeming to notice that Buffy had effectively split them up. “So, where's Willow?” Xander asked. “Oh, with Oz, huh? I guess that makes sense, them not seeing each other in a while and all.” 

“I think she picked Tara,” Buffy said. 

“Huh?” Xander asked, taking a swig of soda. 

“Tara,” Buffy repeated, as if Xander were hard of hearing. “I think she picked Tara over Oz.” 

Xander spurted fizzy drink across the rug. “She what?” 

Spike looked at him curiously. “You didn't know?” 

“That my best friend is gay?” Xander asked. “Did you really ask me if I knew that?” 

“If you don't mind,” Giles said. “Could we move this along? I'd like to clean my rug before the soda sets.” 

“Fine,” Spike said. “Let's get this over with.” He explained everything Adam had told him, which wasn't big on the details. He hadn't noticed it at the time, but he sure picked up on it as Buffy and Riley grilled him until dawn. “Look,” Spike finally said. “You know everything I know. If I'm going to get home before sunrise, I have to leave now.” 

“Xander's house is not your home.” Buffy's tone sounded final. 

Here it comes, Spike thought. 

“I want you out of town. Since you can't leave during the day, you've got tomorrow night.” 

“Hey,” Xander said, rising from his chair to stand next to Spike. “Not your call to make. You can't kick him out of my house, and you don't get to say whether it's his home or not.” 

Buffy stood, walking over until she and Xander stood chest to chest. “I don't trust him.” 

Riley, from the couch, said, “You told me you trusted him.” 

Buffy turned. “What?” 

“A couple of weeks back, when Faith was in town. You told me he helped you, asked me not to take him in.” Riley's voice was quiet, but if filled the room like thunder. 

“Um,” Buffy said. “It's complicated.” 

“Either you trust him or you don't.” 

“I trust him,” Xander said. Spike hid a smile. The guy was a real idiot. Spike had told him not to trust a vampire. He wasn't about to encourage him by being amused. 

“What?” Apparently Buffy was just as surprised. 

“You do realize I've been paying him to help us,” Giles said. 

“There were plenty of times he went above and beyond,” Xander replied. 

“Name one.” Buffy had that this isn't over tone to her voice. 

Xander was obviously having trouble coming up with something. Oh wonderful, Spike thought. That doesn't look bad at all. 

“That time Faith got loose,” Xander said, sounding triumphant. “He could've gone after Faith and told her how to find us. He didn't.” 

“He didn't have to,” Buffy said. “Faith knows where we all live.” 

“But he did volunteer,” Giles interrupted. “He went out with Xander, looking for Faith.” 

“Didn't ask for money or anything,” Spike muttered. 

Xander leaned in. “You're not helping.” 

“That's just one,” Buffy replied. 

“You said, 'name one',” Xander countered. 

“Maybe he didn't have time to find her,” Buffy said, not willing to give it up. 

“I trust him.” Xander's voice was just as firm as Buffy's had been when she'd said she didn't. 

“It could be useful,” Riley added, “to have intel on what Adam is up to.” 

Buffy looked at Riley as if he'd betrayed her. Turning on Xander, she said, “Fine, but if he gets us all killed, I am so haunting you in, well wherever we end up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "The Yoko Factor"

“He's counting on me being in the fight. What does that even mean?” Buffy asked. 

“What were his exact words?” Giles added. 

Spike paced around Giles' flat, from bookcase to weapons trunk and back to the bookcase again. “I told him how tough the Slayer is and how she always wins. I asked if he was sure he wanted her there, and he replied quote 'I'm counting on it.' bloody sodding unquote.” 

Spike thought about Adam's next words. I will make you whole again. I will make you savage. As he thought about savaging the land, about being able to feed again, to sink his teeth into warm throats, a toasty glow filled him. Then he thought about Xander, about a ravaged Xander and how he'd look, bloody and bruised, dying on the ground. His body jerked in one quick, uncontrolled motion. 

“What was that?” Buffy asked. 

“Nothing,” Spike said. When he saw they weren't buying it, he added, “That Adam guy, he gives me the creeps.” 

“You,” Xander said. “A demon who's been wreaking havoc for over a century.” 

Damn, should have known his boy wouldn't buy it. “He's not natural, is he? All demon parts, and human parts, and machinery mixed together.” Turning his back to the group, he added, “There's more.” 

“More what?” Willow asked. 

“Intel,” Spike added, unconsciously using Riley's term. Turning toward the Slayer, he said, “He didn't know about your friends. Thought you were a solo worker or somesuch.” 

“So you told him.” Buffy didn't sound happy. 

“Hey,” Spike defended himself. “Have to give some to get some.” 

“And what did you give him?” Giles asked. 

“Told him I'd split you up.” 

“Huh?” That was Xander. 

“You know, told him I'd talk to you all, individual like, and fix it so you wouldn't work together.”  
Willow snorted. “Yeah, right, like that'd work.” 

Spike thought about what he could do with a few well chosen words. “Didn't say I could, well OK, I told him I could, but doesn't have to be true so long as Adam believes it.” 

“And what did this get us again?” 

With a sigh Spike said, “He thinks you'll be alone, no friends backing you up, at the battle.” 

“Which is what Adam thought before you spoke with him.” Thank you Rupert. 

Xander, who'd been unaccountably quiet, chimed in, his voice as solemn as a death knell. “What else did he offer you?” 

“Huh?” Spike's heart lurched. 

“You wouldn't work for him just to get Buffy killed off.” 

Spike thought about that. He should want to kill the Slayer, but he knew it would upset Xander. “Maybe he's offering cash.” 

“Or maybe there's something you aren't telling us.” Xander, sitting off in the leather chair, just across the room from him, seemed distant and cold, like a mountain on the horizon, unattainable.  
Spike took a step back. “He's gonna take the chip out.” 

Giles pulled out a handkerchief and started wiping his glasses. 

Willow started babbling. Who could have predicted that? Oh yeah, anybody. “So you were gonna come back all chipless and kill us in our sleep? Is that it?” 

“No, I wasn't going to kill you all.” 

“Oh right, because we're such great friends.” Buffy spread the sarcasm on thickly. 

“Spike,” Xander said. “This isn't going to work if you aren't honest.” 

“Why the hell would I be honest? You lot have got each other to watch your backs. Me? I've got nobody.” He fled into the night, ignoring Xander's voice following him into the darkness, calling out his name again and again. 

Needing a place to lay low, Spike thought quickly. None of his old hideouts were any good; he'd be too easy to find. Ditto on cemeteries; soldier boys went through too often. Willy's wouldn't work either; again Scoobies knew to look for him there. For no obvious reason, Angel offering him Xander's neck flashed through his thoughts, and Spike thought about the old high school. It was empty, so there'd be no strays wandering by, and nobody'd think to look for him there. Good enough. 

He climbed down the stone steps into what had been the library and sat on what was left of the floor, lighting a cigarette. So Xander et al. didn't want him getting rid of the chip. Why the bloody hell should he care? He'd known they weren't on his side. They saw him as a paid minion, didn't they? Someone they could use and then toss aside, rubbish to be discarded. 

He found himself staring at a pile of rubble, the rocks that had fallen on him that time they'd stopped an apocalypse. Xander had pulled him out. Yeah, but that only meant Xander had an ulterior motive. You don't stop and put yourself at risk to save just anybody. That kind of heroics was saved for vampires of your Line, vampires who had the same Sire. But wait, that was demons. Well, OK, a lot of humans wouldn't go out of there way to flick a fly off a dying kitten, but Xander? He tried to save everybody, didn't he? 

Spike thought about his plan, seducing the lad so he'd be too distracted to attack. Not only did it sound stupider than, well than a really stupid thing – and he'd definitely been watching too much Blackadder with Xander if that made sense – but it seemed like he was kidding himself. Who seduced someone as sexy as Xander just to mess with their head? Not Spike, that was for sure. All his reasons seemed like one big rationalization, a way to get him closer to Xander, but why? 

He thought about Xander's actions: speaking out so Riley wouldn't find him, apologizing for not believing that Giles had been turned to a demon, leaving him the chair to sleep on when he'd put Giles on beach balls, telling Riley his name was Spike when the git had tried to call him Hostile 17. He heard Xander's words: “I'd follow you in again”; “You don't get to say whether it's his home or not”; “I trust him.” 

Xander saw him as a person. Spike could hardly credit it. Yeah, OK, Buffy thought the poof was a person, but he had that soul dragging him down. Xander saw Spike for who he was. He must. He could tell when Spike was lying or holding something back, but he treated Spike like he was worth something. “I trust him” rang through Spike's mind. 

“Yeah, you trust me while I'm chipped,” Spike muttered, but his heart wasn't in it. He hadn't stayed around long enough to find out what Xander thought, now had he? And why should he care what the lad thought? So Xander treated him like a man. So Xander seemed to care. So he wanted to shove Xander against a wall and kiss him until he couldn't think straight. 

Wait. What? 

Spike thought on that last bit. He wanted to kiss Xander. 

Bolting up, tossing his cigarette to the floor, he walked up to one of the big metal columns and banged his head against it. “Oh, I did not go and fall for a human.” 

Spike didn't know what to do. Xander couldn't love him. Sure, Xander saw him as a man, and sure, way back when Xander had seemed to lust for him, at least a little bit. But humans didn't fall for demons, except that Buffy had, for Angel. If Buffy, then why not Xander? 

It didn't matter. Xander was going up against Adam. Whether Xander loved him or not, Spike had to stay to protect him, which meant he could never leave. In Sunnydale, there was always going to be another apocalypse. Fine, stay in Sunnydale, stop the end of the world, and then figure Xander out. That he could do. 

He stood outside of Xander's house for hours. What if Xander hated him now? What if his invitation had been revoked? He knew Willow had a spell; she'd done it to Angelus, who'd bloody well deserved it, but Spike didn't. He was just trying to help, well not help so much as to keep Xander safe, but that was of the good wasn't it? 

Finally, when dawn was so close Spike wasn't sure he'd make it to shelter if his invitation had been revoked, he walked through the door. Xander threw himself at Spike, wrapping him in a hug. “Oh God, I've been so worried.” 

Spike felt stubble against his cheek and saw that Xander had on the same clothes he'd worn yesterday. “You were up all night worrying,” he paused, afraid of the answer, “about me?” 

Xander pulled out of the hug. “Spike,” he said tentatively, “I have your back. I will always be there if you need me.” He looked earnest but also a bit unsure, as if he was waiting for Spike to start mocking him, making fun of his ability to protect or even help. 

“I,” Spike stuttered. “Well,” he added. “That is.” He gave up trying to speak. 

“Come here.” Xander pulled him to the couch, sitting him down. Leaning over Spike, he asked, “Are you hungry? Can I heat you up some blood?” 

“Sit with me?” Spike asked. 

Xander was next to Spike in a flash, sitting as close as he could without actually sitting on Spike. It wasn't long before Xander's head started falling, not surprising since the lad had been up all night. Spike waited until Xander was mostly asleep before pulling Xander into his lap, resting the lad's head against the couch and stretching his legs out over Spike and covering them both with the green comforter that sat on the back of the couch. “What'z?” Xander murmurred. 

“Shhh, it's nothing. You just sleep.” 

He woke to Willow's voice. “Xander, did you hear from Spike?” After a pause there was an “Oh, I guess you did,” and then Xander was up, sleepily moving toward the kitchen, mumbling something about coffee while Willow stared at Spike. 

As Spike got up and stretched, wondering how he could distract Willow, he felt the disks in his jacket slap against his side. “Here,” he said, pulling the disks from his pocket and handing them to her. “From Adam.” 

“From Adam?” she asked. 

Spike shrugged. “These are supposed to get you into the Initiative at the right time, right time for whatever it is he's cooking up.” 

“Oh.” She pocketed the disks and started staring at Spike again. 

With a dramatic and intentional roll of his eyes, Spike said, “No, I'm not about to eat you all.” 

“That's not what I was,” Willow started. “I mean that's good. I'm glad you're not about to kill us but, um, you seemed sort of cozy with Xander there.” 

“And what of it?” 

Willow got downright scary. “If you hurt him, I'll hit you with a shovel and bury you where, um OK, I guess there won't be a body to find, but you get my meaning. And I do know that a shovel won't necessarily kill you but I'll find the Holy Shovel of Antioch or something if I have to, and I sort of think I've digressed.” 

Spike looked over to the kitchen, where Xander was puttering around with the coffee machine. “If I'm going to kill Xander, take you out first. Right, got it.” 

“That wasn't quite what I meant, but as long as we have an understanding.” 

Spike stared straight at her, catching her gaze with his. “I won't let anyone hurt Xander.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story came out very Season 4 episode heavy: this chapter, "Primeval"

Spike stepped silently across the stone floor, heading for Adam's lair, when he heard Riley's voice. “Not really wanting a lecture right now.” 

Spike listened as Adam rambled on about demons and humans. Peering around the stone, he watched Riley stand at Adam's command. Spike wasn't sure what was going on, but if Riley had turned traitor, the Slayer would need to know. Not that he cared so much for her, but it'd put Xander in danger. “Warms the cockles of my non-beating heart, seeing you lads together.” 

“I didn't send for you, Spike.” Adam was nothing if not an authoritative ass. 

Resting his hands on his belt buckle, Spike put on a show of strength as he strode over. “Yeah, well, I'm not much the being sent for type. I'm much more the I did my part now get this chip out of my head kind of guy.” When Adam didn't reply with anything more than a look, Spike turned his attention to Riley, who stood ramrod straight and still. “Slightly stiffer than usual.” He snapped his fingers before Riley's eyes. The lad was aware but not talking. “Subtle but I like it.” He poked Riley, sending him rocking back and forth. “What's up with him?” 

“I activated his chip.” 

“So it's chips all around, is it? Someone must have bought the party pack.” Spike wondered how much the soldier had said. Riley had seen him with the Scoobies, but Adam didn't seem to realize that Spike had been working both sides. 

“You get yours removed when the Slayer is where I want her.” 

“She's separated from her friends.” Spike wandered toward a set of computers, figuring they'd be something to throw at Adam if it came to that. Plus it put him closer to the door. “They want nothing to do with her. She's all alone.” 

“That's how I want her. Where I want her is down in the Initiative. She will ensure that as many demons die as humans. She will achieve maximum carnage before she's too weak to go on.” 

“No, you can't,” Riley started before Adam shut him up. 

“Right, the Initiative,” Spike said, working on more info before he headed out. “But getting her there, that's what the bleeding disks are for, isn't it? Our little witch gives her the info and pop – Alice heads back down the rabbit hole.” 

“The witch?” 

Spike wasn't about to give him anything else. “Uh, Darla,” he improvised. “About so high,” he added, holding his hand up. “As big a bitch as you'd ever want to meet, good with computers though.” 

Adam turned toward Riley. “You know him, don't you?” When Riley agreed that he did, Adam asked, “What isn't he telling me?” 

“There is no Darla, not that I'm aware of,” Riley said. “Her best friend is Willow. She'd be working on the disks.” 

“You know the Slayer?” 

“Yes.” Riley left it at that. 

“And this vampire?” 

Riley kept his words to a minimum, but they were the most damning thing he could have said. “They've been protecting him, hiding him since the Initiative put the chip in.” 

“So he'd be on their side.” 

“He's on his own side,” Riley replied. 

“Better than you,” Spike said, running for the door. “At least I haven't turned traitor.” 

“It doesn't matter,” Spike heard as he raced through the caves. “She can't touch me. If she doesn't come, I'll have more human bodies than demon, a less efficient starting point, but it won't affect my overall plan.” 

At Giles' place, when Spike burst through the door, Xander was standing to one side of the couch, next to where Willow and Tara were sitting, while Buffy was on the floor, a tome in her lap, and Giles, at the other end of the couch, was looking at Xander as if the lad had surprised him. “Adam's got Riley,” Spike said, catching them all off guard. 

Buffy leaped to her feet. “What do you mean?” 

“Seems soldier boy had a chip in him the whole time. He just spilled the beans to Adam, who now knows I've been working with you.” 

Willow started babbling. “But what does he want with Riley? I mean, yeah I can see Adam turning him into a big demon-hybrid with the rest of the soldiers but why now? Why Riley?” 

“He's following some master plan,” Spike said, crossing the room to stand next to Xander. “Something laid down by someone he's calling mother, and you already knew about the monster mash he's got planned? Could have filled me in.” 

“We just figured it out,” Xander said. Good of his lad to make him feel like he hadn't been left out of the loop on purpose. “When Willow, when the disks decrypted themselves.” 

“Hey,” Willow said. “I was this close to getting it.” 

“This doesn't change anything,” Buffy said. “Giles, Willow, Tara, you three work on that spell. Xander, you and I are going shopping.” 

“What about me?” Spike asked. 

“I can't trust you to be here,” Buffy said. 

“Can't trust me?” Spike shouted. “Soldier boy spilled the beans, but I'm the one who can't be trusted?” 

“He's coming with us,” Xander said. 

“Huh?” 

“Whatever this shopping is we're doing, Spike is coming along,” Xander added. 

Buffy thought for a minute. “Fine. Let's go.” 

Giles looked up. “Where are you all going?” 

“Getting supplies to get us into the Initiative.” 

Spike wasn't sure how rappelling ropes were going to get them anywhere, but he didn't have much time to think on it, what with the grilling Buffy was giving him. How did Riley look? What did he say? He didn't move at all? Tell me again what he'd said. Did he volunteer information or only respond to Adam's questions? Spike was glad to get back to Giles' although not so much when Willow asked him to escort Tara home. 

“You're not going in without me.” 

“Spike,” Buffy started. 

“You know how we're getting in. Meet us at the frat house,” Xander said. 

While Buffy lit into Xander, Spike rushed Tara back to her dorm, still afraid they'd head on in without him. He beat them there by ten minutes. “Well, come on. It's not like we have all night.” 

Gazing past the broken mirror, the one Buffy had kicked out, and down the concrete shaft behind it, Spike finally got what the rappelling ropes were for. The hugfest down at the bottom broke up as soon as Spike, the last to join them, made it down to the floor. They pried open the elevator doors to find a bunch of soldier boys pointing guns straight at them. “Bloody brilliant plan,” Spike muttered as they were being marched through the halls, surrounded by gun-toting goons. “You know Adam's watching us through those cameras, right?” 

“Not my biggest worry right now,” Buffy replied. 

The soldiers took them to what seemed to be a command center, a large white room with a bunch of computers and a huge map of the world that took up one wall, where the head honcho didn't-make-general guy started berating them. Spike, not in on the plan, looked on with interest as the soldier started going through bags, pulling out assorted stakes and what Giles called a magic gourd. When the lights went out, soldier guy took a bunch of his goons with him, leaving only two behind. Buffy kicked the shit out of them and then Willow, clever girl, figured out where Adam was while Giles went on about the enjoining spell. Apparently that was the big plan that Spike wasn't supposed to know about, not that he knew what Giles meant. 

Spike brought up the rear, covering their asses, as the Scoobies made their way through a beauty of a fight to something called 314, which turned out to be a lab, one that Spike didn't have an invite for. Buffy gave it to him bluntly while Willow apologized behind her. “It's not that we don't trust you, except I guess that we maybe kinda don't, but the spell is fragile. If anything disrupts it...” 

Spike kept the hurt out of his eyes. “You barricade the door,” he staid, stepping into the anteroom “Nothing'll get through.” 

A Fyarl made its way to him, giving Spike a bit of a fight, followed by a vampire, obviously a Fledge, easy to take out, and then a blue demon, hairy with horns that curled upward, that went down after Spike snapped its neck. When the tentacles started working their way through the door, Spike wished that someone had thought to leave him an ax. The beast was a dead pile of goo at his feet by the time the door to the lab opened. “Spike?” Xander called out. “You all right?” 

Spike let out a whoop of victory. “Yeah, I'm good. You lot?” 

“We're coming out. Gonna help the soldiers escape.” 

Great, time to save the soldier boys. At least they'd be too busy not dying to come after Spike. It took less time than Spike had expected to rappel them up the elevator. Army training turned out to be useful, in emergency escapes at least. After they'd cut the ropes so none of the demons could climb them, Riley left about a dozen guards at the top of the shaft to takes out those demons that could climb without ropes. 

Spike didn't relax until they were out and away from the frat house. Riley didn't look happy. Made sense. A bunch of his guys had just died. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked Buffy. 

“She's sure,” Xander replied, laying a hand on Spike's shoulder. “Eww,” he added, pulling a goo covered hand away. 

“Come on, Spike,” Buffy said as Xander started wiping his hand on a tree. 

“Where?” Surely they weren't about to take one more demon out, not after he'd helped them. Didn't make sense. They could have left him down in the lab. 

Xander, returning from the tree as he wiped the last of the gunk on his jeans, said, “To the back entrance, the shortcut into the secret labs.” 

That didn't sound good. “Look, if you're gonna kill me, do it now. Don't drag it out.” Not that he was about to stand still and let them off him. 

“We're not. Unlikely I know, and while I don't completely agree,” Giles glanced at Xander, “well, I'll just say it's not as idiotic an idea as it seems at first glance.” 

“And besides we're doing a spell, to make sure none of the demons get out the back entrance, which I guess we wouldn't need you for,” Willow added. 

Riley led them through the tunnels, behind some huge slab of circular stone that rolled out of their way, and into a lab. There was a woman there, sprawled out on the floor, not alive, but moving. Riley helped her up. “Dr. Walsh.” His tone said he cared about her, or had when she'd been alive. 

“Riley,” she said. She had tubes running from front to back. One was dripping something red, not quite blood, while the other's liquid was spurting through the tube. 

Riley pointed toward Spike. “We want you to remove the chip from Hostile 17.” Spike looked up at that. “Can you do it?” 

“Yes,” she replied. 

“This will probably hurt,” Buffy said, almost apologetically. 

“Hurt?” Spike scoffed, “Pain I can deal with. Let's get this show on the road.” 

Xander stood nearby, watching over the creepy doctor woman as if to make sure she didn't harm Spike. The operation didn't hurt much at all, just a bit of a pinch, OK a bit more than a pinch as she cut open his skull but mostly it was boring after that. Spike kept his gaze on Xander. 

When Spike was up again, Xander tossed him a gun. Spike turned it around in his hand, looking it over. “What's this for?” 

“To test if you're dechipped.” 

Spike aimed the gun at the dead doctor. Not certain that aiming at a dead woman was a good test, he targeted Riley next. Soldier boy didn't even flinch as he looked down the barrel. Lowering the gun, Spike said, “I'm good.” 

Turning toward Riley, he glanced at the dead woman. “It'd be a mercy.” 

Riley's face was grim. “I'll do it.” 

“Know that,” Spike said, tossing the gun back to Xander. 

“Do what?” Willow asked. 

“Come on,” Giles said, putting an arm around Willow and leading her into the caverns. “You don't want to see this.” 

“See what?” she asked as they moved to the caves, leaving Buffy and Riley alone in the lab with the dead doctor. They heard one gunshot. “Oh,” Willow said, finally getting it. “You were right. I didn't want to see that.”


	9. Chapter 9

It was movie night over at Willow's house, her parents being out of town, and Spike just knew Xander was going to give in and allow the girls to pick a bunch of chick-flicks. The boy caved any time Willow gave him that look, but no, that wasn't true. Xander gave in on the small stuff, the stuff he didn't give a rat's arse about, but the big things, those he stood up for. Spike still had trouble believing he was one of the things Xander cared that much about. 

Spike still didn't understand how Xander had convinced them to pull out the chip. He'd stopped bringing it up because the only response he'd get, from any of the four of them, was this dreamy look and some comment about sharing thoughts. Spike guessed Xander must have seen something worthwhile in him for the rest of them to go along with the dechipping, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He still liked to think of himself as the Big Bad, from time to time at least, although he hadn't had much chance to act bad lately, what with most of the Sunnydale demons dead in the labs. 

When Xander and Buffy came back carrying bowls of popcorn, Buffy caught Willow's eye and they both started giggling. Tara gave them an indulgent look while Xander, looking happy but confused, kept asking “What?” Not that the girls would tell him. They liked their little secrets, and Spike had given up thinking all secrets were plans aimed at him. None of them were getting on Xander, telling him it was time to kick the vampire out, so he figured he could give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Besides Spike had plans of his own. The Scoobies been spending most of the summer together, making up for the school-year split-up, but in a few nights Buffy would be spending what she called “quality time with Mom” while Willow and Tara had a date scheduled, what Xander called “doing spells.” Spike had a bit of spellwork of his own in mind, although he wasn't sure how well it would go off.

* * *

Working on an oblique approach, unsure how to make the first move with a human, Spike suggested they go patrolling. Another demon he could have up and grabbed. Not much for subtlety, demons, but a human you had to court, and he wasn't sure how. He'd never picked up the knack while he'd still been human himself and as a demon, hadn't needed it. 

Scanning the cemetery, looking past gravestones and crypts, Spike made sure they were alone. “Bit boring, this.” 

“And you were expecting hijinks?” 

“I was hoping there'd be a bit of physical action.” The truth, that, although misleading. Now or never. “I've got something we can do.” 

Xander's eyes narrowed. “Do I really want to know? No, wait, I probably don't.” 

The lad had been so much more open just a few months ago. Spike figured, well no, it was more like he hoped, that the sexual tension was getting to him too. If it was something else, Spike was so screwed. “I'll teach you to fight.” 

“You'll whatzit?” 

“Come on,” Spike drawled. “Anything you've picked up is obviously haphazard. Could save your life someday, to know what you're doing.” 

Xander stared at Spike as if he was trying to look through him. “And you'll be doing this out of the goodness of your heart?” 

“Hell no,” Spike said. Shrugging he added, “Like to fight, don't I?” Like to do other things too. 

“Thought you stopped fighting humans. I mean, not chipped now I know, but I thought you'd given that up and not just for Lent.” Xander looked more curious than afraid. 

“Wouldn't be fighting so much as teaching. There's a difference.” As Spike took a step toward Xander, he called out, “Rule One: don't get caught.” With a leap, he closed the distance. Swinging Xander around, he pushed him one, two, three steps until he had him pinned against the wall of a crypt. 

“Hey,” Xander shouted. 

Slapping a hand over Xander's mouth, Spike said, “Now, now, that'd be cheating.” As Xander squirmed against him, Spike stepped in, effectively trapping Xander between himself and the wall. 

Spike grinned as Xander tried to speak, the lad's lips tickling the palm. He let his hand up. Xander glanced down to where Spike's body was pressed against his. “This is you teaching me how to fight?” 

This is it, Spike thought. At least he doesn't seem upset, not yet. Spike let a slow smile, showing confidence he didn't feel, spread across his lips as he ground his hips against Xander's. A stray thought of what happened to slow and subtle was banished to the back of his mind. The boy wasn't complaining yet. “Maybe fighting wasn't exactly what I had in mind.” He leaned closer, moving slowly, giving Xander all the time in the world to stop him. Xander didn't. 

The kiss was a series of feather-light touches, quickly losing their tentativeness as Xander responded in kind. When Spike pulled back, anticipating lust, possibly mixed with uncertainty, Xander pushed against him, squirming to get away. “Are you nuts? Buffy patrols here, or Willow could be walking by. Well, OK, that's not likely but that'd be...” 

Diving for Xander's mouth, Spike slipped his tongue in. Xander's hand reached around, pulling Spike in even closer. This time when they broke the kiss it was by mutual consent, each of them pulling back just enough that lips were no longer touching lips. Noting Xander's confidence, his lack of “oh my God I'm kissing a man” uncertainty, Spike, whispering intensely, said, “You've done this before. You've already popped this cherry.” 

Xander blushed furiously. “Um, there might have been this guy in Oxnard?” Eyes narrowing, he added, “If you tell anyone, and I do mean anyone, I'll be vacuuming you up. Got it?” 

No telling the girls then. Spike was a bit disappointed that Xander wanted to keep him as his dirty little secret, but not enough to stop the seduction. Stepping back just a bit, he brushed his hand down Xander's torso, dropping further and further south until he was rubbing up and down over Xander's cock. “It's possible you could convince me to keep this to myself.” 

Xander grabbed Spike's ass as if it were a lifeline. 

Just as their lips were about to meet, Spike pulled back. “Come on,” he said, grabbing Xander's hand, running to the front of the crypt, moving just fast enough that Xander could barely keep his balance. Feeling unaccountably shy as they reached the door, Spike gestured for Xander to go first, receiving a look, full of lust certainly but also of something unreadable, in response. As Spike shut the door behind them, Xander launched himself at Spike, shoving him into the door, shutting it firmly as they ground against it. His hands seemed to be everywhere: under Spike's shirt; on his ass, pulling their hips together; behind Spike's head holding him still as Xander's tongue forced its way into his mouth. 

Gods my boy is enthusiastic, Spike thought as one leg wrapped itself around Xander, shoving their hips even closer as he ground his cock against Xander's. After he'd kissed along the edge of Spike's jaw, Xander bit at his jugular, pulling the skin into his mouth, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. With a shout, Spike shifted to vamp-face. 

Chuckling, Xander asked, “Liked that, did you?” He lifted his head, his eyes growing wide as he let out an “oh.” Spike, wondering how Xander was going to handle vamp-face, watched closely as Xander smiled, a wide smile full of delight, and traced the ridges with one hand. As Spike closed his eyes, leaning into the caresses, he heard Xander ask, “Where else are you ridged?” 

After a few minutes, the hands went away. “Hey,” Spike called out. 

“Need two hands to get your shirt off,” Xander said. 

As Spike took his hands off of Xander's ass, reaching for his own shirt, ready to rip it off, Xander slapped at him. “Don't be impatient.” 

Eyes still shut, Spike pouted. 

“I suppose I could multi-task,” he heard. 

As a tongue started tracing its way along his ridges, Spike lost himself in the sensation. His lips curled up, pleased not only at the caresses but that Xander didn't mind his vamp-face. He felt his clothes being pushed back, over his shoulders, and then bunch up atop his upper arms. “Meant to do that?” 

“Um, yeahsure. I was so hoping to disable you.” 

Spike shrugged off the jacket and shirt. 

“How'd you do that?” 

Opening his eyes, Spike didn't bother to answer but said, “Done being patient.” Grabbing Xander's shirt, Spike tore down the front. Buttons flew everywhere. 

“Hey,” Xander yelled. 

“Don't worry,” Spike said, tracing fingers down Xander's torso. “I can nick you another ugly shirt.” 

“That's buy. B. U. Y. And hey, my shirt is not... ghahhh.” 

“Liked that, did you?” Spike asked as he continued to brush his hands over Xander's jeans. 

Whatever Xander said, wasn't coherent. 

Spike took three steps back. When Xander started to follow, Spike held one hand out, saying, “Don't be impatient.” 

Using vamp speed, Spike tore his clothes off, tossing boots and pants aside. He walked slowly backward until he was just far enough away. Turning, he leaned over, reaching out to rest his hands on the raised marble of the coffin. Looking over his shoulder, he wriggled his ass toward Xander and said, “Fuck me.” 

Xander took two steps toward him and then stopped. 

“What?” Spike practically growled. 

“Um, lube?” Xander sounded uncertain, as if unsure whether a vampire would use lube. 

“Jacket pocket,” Spike replied. 

Spike heard rustling from the general vicinity of his jacket and Xander muttering something about boy scouts, although he didn't catch the reference. “Will you please come on?” he shouted. 

“OK, OK,” Xander replied. “It's not like I don't want it as much as you do.” Quicker than Spike would expect from a human, Xander was behind him, telling Spike he was ready. 

“Just shove it in already.” 

It was a finger. 

“Bloody hell. You don't have to stretch me out. I'm a demon. I like pain.” 

He could almost hear Xander opening his mouth to object. Spike gripped the marble so tightly that he thought he could feel dent marks, but then Xander's cock was there, pushing against his asshole and shoving into him with a small pop, filling him up. On the fourth stroke, when Xander found his prostate, Spike shouted out his approval. As Xander's cock hit his sweet spot again and again in a rhythmic pattern, Spike shouted out, “There's my boy.” Xander lost his rhythm for a moment, but then found it again, laying one hand on Spike's back while the other found his cock, rubbing it back and forth in counter-rhythm to his cock so that Spike thrust back onto Xander's cock and then forward into his hand, back and forth, and back and forth, andbackandforthandbackandforthandbackandforth until with a shout, he came, and then Xander was coming too, filling his ass with warm spunk. 

After Xander had pulled out of him, Spike stayed there, stretched out, his hands still on the edge of the coffin, looking down until Xander, placing his hands on Spike's waist, drew them back gently. Spike let himself follow until he was standing, his back warmed by Xander's chest. 

Closing his eyes, Spike rested there until Xander asked if they couldn't sit down. He followed Xander to a bench, irritated that the moment was gone. Xander, shivering against the cold marble, said, “I guess you weren't a boy scout.” 

“What are you going on about?” Spike grumped as Xander scooched over next to him. 

“When I found the lube, I figured you were either being prepared or had been planning on seducing me and really, what's the likelihood of that? But if you were preparedness guy, you'd have a mattress here, or at least a blanket.” 

Sensing the nervousness underneath the babble, Spike leaned in to kiss Xander. “Maybe next time,” he muttered. When Xander started grinning through their kisses, Spike asked, with a lighter tone, “What?” 

“You said 'next time',” Xander explained with a goofy grin. 

Spike smirked. “The sooner we get home, the sooner next time starts.” 

Xander was gone in a flash, pulling on his clothes. As Spike blinked at him, Xander called out, “What the hell are you still sitting there for?”

* * *

The next night was back to business as usual, hanging with the whole Scoobie crowd, heading off to hear Giles sing. None of them had believed him when Spike had mentioned it but seemed willing to go along and find out. Spike, figuring they thought he'd be proved wrong, was looking forward to seeing their faces when they did surprise Giles. He and Xander were walking ahead while the three girls trailed behind, stopping to look at shoes and such not, when Xander reached down and took Spike's hand in his. 

Spike almost stopped but then convinced his feet to keep moving forward. “Thought you didn't want the girls to know you're pitching for the other team,” he whispered. 

Tara noticed it first, of course. Spike could hear her pointing it out to Willow and then there was a gaggle of giggles behind them. Xander turned his head, calling out an amused “What?” although he obviously knew what they were going on about. 

“Took you long enough,” Willow called out before Buffy distracted her, pulling her over to yet another store window. 

Spike blinked in surprise. They Slayer was sensitive enough to give them a bit of space? 

“You don't mind?” Xander asked. When Spike glanced up, Xander looked as pale as a ghost. 

Spike thought back to that time outside the museum, when he'd taunted Xander and been wounded himself by the hurt in Xander's eyes, to the night Xander had rescued him in the ruins of the library and his decision to betray the boy, to how he'd sworn he'd never shag, much less love, a human. Squeezing Xander's hand, he said, “It's what I always wanted.”


End file.
